I don’t like to bother people.
I’m quite lucky, in that it’s been around thirty years since my last anaphylactic reaction. OK, yes, I’ve had to be careful along the way, but considering how easy it could have been for cross-contamination to change my life, I consider myself fairly lucky.
That being said, I’ve had a number of allergic reactions over the years of varying severity, some of which led me to spending longer periods of time stuck in a bathroom, or at very least having to linger very near to one.
The one thing I really don’t like is telling people when this is happening. This is mainly because people just fuss and worry. I think when you can die from allergies, people often also overreact. So I do my best to hide it.
When I was younger, I was well known for this very thing. I remember finding myself in the bathroom after one such incident, when I was on holiday in Portugal. It ended with me having a conversation with my brother, Guy, through a toilet door when I had been in there longer than usual (and I’m also a toilet reader which can make matters worse… you get it?!)
The conversation went like this…
Guy: Hey, dude, you OK?
Me: Suddenly straightening up and putting on a voice to cover the pain and torment I was in: Yeah, fine man.
Guy: “It’s just… you’ve been in there for a while. Even for you.
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Guy: OK then (pause). It’s just… this is exactly the sort of thing you’d do if you were having an allergic reaction.
The thing is, having allergies can affect your whole family. In the case above, we were having a lovely meal at a nice restaurant and everyone was having a good time. For me to admit I was having a reaction would have led to everyone fretting, so in my head it was much better to man up and go it solo. At the end of the day, as long as I wasn’t dying, there was no need to bother anyone.
Now I’m a parent, it’s a bit different – toilet time is a brief sanctuary. Time away from my children to read the sports headlines. Getting carried away and spending a few hours in there is not unusual.
Now though, I’ve got even better at just suppressing the pain. When it does happen, I just power through it, thinking of myself as hardcore as a soldier who’s just got shot but managed to make it back to base. But I think as you get older, pain becomes more manageable and easier to bare.
Am I wrong to do this under wraps? Maybe! But, personally, I don’t even like to confide in my wife these days, as it will detract from her day. She has enough on her plate as it is. Saying that, she also has Crohn’s disease and I regularly catch her doing the same thing, and it pisses me off to hell. My own hypocrisy is well known to me, but that’s it really isn’t it? At the end of the day, when you’re mid-reaction others can’t fix it. If I really need help I will ask for it, but otherwise I will try to ensure everyone around me is happy.
If the world around us is smiling and reminds us of beautiful things, it is far easier to forget the pain and just get through it.
This all makes me think about what others do in these situations.
What do you do when you have a reaction?
Do you think I deal with this in the right way? I would really love to hear your thoughts.