Tea. Have it with biscuits. Have it with sympathy. Have it with talking chimps. And, generally, have it with milk. Which is a bit of a problem when you’re cutting out dairy.
I was on a five-a-day habit before I sacked off the semi-skimmed. I also mainline coffee but the move from lattes to Americanos was easy enough. But tea without milk? Unthinkable.
The British love affair with tea is a given. Non-tea drinkers are met with the same suspicion as people who haven’t seen Star Wars. Ah, go on, you must like it? It’s on our mind as soon as we open our eyes in the morning. There in times of crisis. Whole breaks are dedicated to it – only fags have that kind of profile.
Yet it’s strange we’re hooked on tea. The flavour is indescribable… and not in a good way. It’s just tea-y, innit? As tastes go, it’s like sucking on a warm marble. Guess that’s why it’s a “nice” cup of tea, not a bloody awesome one.
So, in theory, I SHOULD be able to bin off milky English breakfast brew and sign up for something more exciting. (For the record, tea with soya or coconut milk is repulsive.)
I’d always frowned on herbal tea drinkers in the office – it all seemed so dreadfully wimpy, worthy and wishy washy. Summer berries with a hint of rainbow-infused unicorn kisses? Nah, pass the Tetley’s.
Don’t get me wrong, I’d dabbled in the past. I’d knocked proper tea on the head when I was pregnant (no booze OR caffeine – killer). But I soon discovered mint tea was the only taste I could tolerate. Plus it was meant to aid digestion and, being coeliac, I need all the help I can get.
The choice of flavours and brands is overwhelming.
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I quite fancied myself as a chai tea drinker. It sounds and smells so mysterious and exotic. I could picture myself ordering it loudly in cafes. Only it wasn’t to be. A steaming cup of cardamom, cloves and pepper tastes like jogger’s armpit and Magic Trees.
But there is good to be found in herbal teas, if only I could find good ones I can stomach.
Your standard brilliant tea comes from the common tea plant, Camellia sinensis, and its leaves contain caffeine. Green leaves make green tea (bleurgh), dried up, they make black tea (mmmmm).
Your wimpy, worthy teas, however, are made from herbs, fruits seeds or roots. They are full of antioxidants and you don’t have to fret about caffeine. They are said to be good for everything from constipation, nausea and insomnia to high blood pressure and arthritis.
They are good for detoxing, too. I remember having packets of Twinings Detox tea bags (containing milk thistle and lemon peel) in my cupboards at uni, next to the Pop Tarts and Beanfeast, optimistically thinking a mug in the morning would balance out the six pints, river of 50p vodka and chips and gravy from the night before.
Tea Pigs has been shaking up the market, though, with interesting sounding flavours (popcorn, rhubarb and ginger, chocolate and mint) and a bit of sexy marketing. And if you’re going to pay over £4 for a pack of 15 tea bags, sorry, tea temples, you better make sure you like them.
Right. Guess I better stick the kettle on.
By Kay Harrison – now tea total