Dem bones, dem bones…

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The older you get, the more bothered you are about what’s going on inside your body instead of on the outside.

Crying over fringes, spots and big noses is replaced by freak-outs over lumps, aches and barking coughs.

And so the latest worry in my life is not wrinkles… it’s bones. And whether they are of the normal variety found in a 30-something or those of an elderly lady and newly hatched sparrow. After a bone density scan at hospital, I should have the answer.

People with coeliac disease are at greater risk of crappy bones. If we’re not on strict gluten-free diets, we’re not absorbing the good stuff, like calcium, so it stands to reason our bones will take a hit. We can have low bone mineral density, which is what is used to diagnose osteoporosis. Not good.

But you trundle along, until you stumble across a warning sign. And I literally just have – a broken big toe following a pathetically small fall.

Embarrassingly, it was brought on by a pair of ancient pink Joules slippers that had split at the front and were flapping about like a chatty sock puppet. I’d been carrying my Macbook and a cup of tea upstairs and fell flat on my face. The Macbook survived, thank Christ.

It was the day before I was flying off on holiday – and so my dreams of skipping along sandy beaches in pretty summer sandals also crashed down to earth. My toe looked like it belonged on a bloated corpse recently dragged from a canal.
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It’s not my first bone injury but certainly my last one felt more deserved. In my early 20s, I broke my elbow and wrist in two places after falling 15ft out of a tree… then continued on to a strip club with a Scottish DJ on a fact-finding mission. But that’s another story.

So a little fall up the stairs causing that much drama was enough to send me shuffling to the doctor’s to question the quality of my bones. Also, I know other coeliacs who have had bone density scans as standard – in the 10 years since I was diagnosed, I have not had any – or any follow-up gastro checks, for that matter. I’m not sure what is normal but I brought the scan up with my GP and he happily sent me off for one and the usual round of vitamin B12, iron, anaemia-type blood tests.

I’ve also cut down on dairy recently, so I’m wondering if that ­could be a factor?

But like my GP said, plenty of people break bones after doing daft things. And I have already proved I fall into that camp.

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I’ll keep my fingers crossed. And my toes taped.

By Kay Harrison – coeliac prone to ridiculous accidents

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